My friend Bill Shermer, a source of wit and wisdom, described the tirade a distraught woman poured out upon the circulation manager of the local newspaper. After the onslaught, her question was quite simple, “Why have you not delivered my Sunday paper?”

As a warning to readers, it’s important to acknowledge that animals were harmed in the gathering of material for this column. A crustacean met an untimely end, and a black lab, I hope, learned a valuable lesson. Well, that last part is more wishful than realistic. Despite multiple encounters, the 3-year-old hasn’t even learned that skunks have the power to make him and his owners miserable for days.

This Saturday afternoon, for a while at least, the sun will shine bright, as many Americans will be native sons and daughters of Kentucky regardless of their place of birth. Men will be Kentucky colonels, women will be Kentucky ladies and the air will fill with strains of “My Old Kentucky Home,” played by the University of Louisville Marching Band (singing accompaniment by most of the fans both in the stands and the TV audience) when for the 133rd time, the Kentucky Derby will take place.

We live in paradise. I noticed it on May Day, songbirds and creekbirds flitting through my little woods, butterflies floating over the flowers, fat bumblebees bumping clumsily into each other through the blooming bushes.

Fans of country music in general and the Carter Family in particular will want to see Barter Theatre’s “Keep on the Sunny Side” during the month of May.  Written by Doug Pote, it is the most-requested Barter show.

Just over a week ago, Passover began, and there has been a war in Israel ever since. The conflict has not been over land; enough blood has been spilled over that. As strange as it may sound, the war in Israel this week has been over bread.

One thing about writing for the Smyth County News & Messenger, you never know what’s coming next. I was sitting at home here near South Holston Lake when the telephone rang. It was Stephanie, my boss at the SCN&M, who told me to get off my lazy, well you can probably guess what, and hunt down the producer who filmed a movie in this area back in the late fall of 2006. Seems the movie has finally been finished and released, the Hollywood premier having just taken place and the local one coming this weekend in Abingdon.

Local citizens are volunteering their time to host a fundraiser to benefit Virginia state trooper Kris Chapman, who was injured in an wreck with a drunk driver, and the family of Marion Police Sergeant Keith Clark, who died earlier this year. 

Following on the success of the popular Second Friday ArtWalk, Marion is kicking off a brand new event this Saturday night. It’s the Marion MusicWalk, offering live local music at a variety of venues throughout the downtown district. 

Jesus keeps popping up everywhere. Folks have seen his face in cloud formations and in snow blown against a tree. He has appeared in the grain of a wooden door, and on a piece of sheet metal. Last week he showed up in the window to a prayer garden of an Orlando hospital, which is a lot more believable than when he appeared on a taco, south of the border.