BECK ‘N ME: Chasing Darthula

By JACK CROSSWELL/Columnist

Ratchet Arnold came into the barn skipping like a teenager. 
“You’re acting mighty giddy,” said Old Blue Rosenbloom.  “You haven’t been drinking, have you? 
  “No,” said Ratchet.  “I’ve discovered my dream girl.”
“At your age?” said Beck, my ole Missouri mule. “I hope she’s a registered nurse who likes tending to senile citizens.”
“Who is the lucky girl?” said James Scott. 
“You don’t know her,” Ratchet said.  “Her name is Darthula Oregon.  I found her in Mary Kegley’s newest book, ‘Lies Across Wythe County, Virginia.’  I’ve searched for her phone number but it’s not listed.”
“I’ve got Mary’s book for sale,” Greg Sayers said.  “It tells about the Wilderness Trail coming right past my store.  Back then, Ezekiel Zachariah Sayers carried the mail on that route when the store was a Pony Express station.”
“Zeke bought his riding boots from me,” Sammy Veneziano said.  “We called him the easy rider.”
“You folks aren’t helping me find Darthula,” Ratchet said.
Wythe Albert said, “Have you ever seen her?”
“Mary ran her picture in the book,” said Ratchet.  “She was wearing a white bikini bathing suit down by Dim Hole.”
“Who?” said Price Crigger, “Mary was wearing a bikini?”
“No,” said Ratchet.  “Darthula was.”
“Reason you can’t find her,” said Paul Brewster, “is that she don’t want to be discovered.”
“I checked with the Post Office but they didn’t know her,” Ratchet said. 
“When I move,” said Billy Adams, “I take my house numbers with me so I won’t have to change my address.  If she had done that, you could have found her.”
Buster Blossom said, “Maybelle, my wife, says it must be true love because it ain’t running smoothly.”
“She’s a big woman,” mumbled No Fenders McGee.
A retired lawman and journalist, and published novelist, Jack Crosswell lives in Cripple Creek.