SAGE ADVICE: A horse of course

When you’re walking back to the car, trying for all the world to look like you don’t really want all that much whatever item that has you out and about in your car, is when you begin the negotiations. So saith my father-in-law.

My mother-in-law, who can’t for the life of her figure out why her husband doesn’t understand the universal, out-of-the-side-of-the-mouth mumbling that means “don’t pay full sticker price” or some such, doesn’t believe him so much.

My eldest son, who accompanied the two over into West Virginia the other day, doesn’t believe too much either.

His brother was with my wife and I at Mercer Mall, getting his 4-year-old pictures taken, only 6 months late. We’d dropped my eldest at his grandparents and drove on over to Bluefield. When we returned, our eldest nor his grandparents were anywhere in sight. He did, however, leave a note on the kitchen table.

“We r gone over the mountain to look at ponys.”

By the time dark had rolled around and I had exhausted my nap, I was beginning to wonder what sort of ponies they might be looking at in the dark. That’s the point, I learned later, that they might have been loss, or maybe not, depending on who you talked to. But that’s a story for a different time.

They had, it’s true went to look at ponies. And just at the point where my father-in-law put on the face of man who didn’t care if he bought those ponies or not, who would be just as happy driving away, back into Virginia, and never giving another thought to those ponies, my mother-in-law began her negotiations. Her bartering skills, I’m sure, don’t get called on much when it’s time to buy a new car. To her credit, she had been doing the mumbling out of the side of her mouth thing. My father-in-law, not being so fluent in the out of the side of the mouth mumble-ese, didn’t realize she was telling him to put on the face of a man who doesn’t care if he bought those ponies or not. He thought she was trying to communicate that she didn’t really care for the ponies period and really might be happy piling into the car and driving back to Virginia never giving the animals a second thought.

Or so he thought until she, climbing into the car, turned the West Virginia man aiming to sell a couple of ponies, and said, “See you tomorrow.”

Now, having never had any ponies for sale, I can’t say for sure, but if I did have ponies for sale and a man and woman came looking with a 6-year-old in tow, especially a 6-year-old who says horses are his second favoritest animals in the whole wide world, behind jaguars, I’d think to myself, “All right.” I’d probably think it to myself two or three more times on the account that it would all seem like such an easy sale. Then, if I were a pony-selling man in that situation, and the woman with the man and the 6-year-old who just loves jaguars and horses said, “See you tomorrow,” I’d probably ask to her pinch me on the account that it would all seem like I was maybe dreaming.

Anyway, my father-in-law called that night, after they got home. And somehow, despite it all, he talked the man down a few bucks and got, it seems to a man who knows nothing about the pony-selling business, a good deal. At the same time, allowing my mother-in-law to stay true to her word. She, along with her husband and both my sons, did see the pony-selling West Virginian tomorrow. To bring home a couple of ponies. Cindy and Lolly.
Mark Sage is group editor of the Southwest Virginia weekly newspapers.