I MADE IT UP: To patch a tire

By Carl D. Clarke, Jr.

The right front tire on my wife’s car was leaking air, so I took it to my good friends at Roberts Tire and Recapping.  They did exhaustive diagnostic tests (sprayed the tire with dish liquid) and found a cut in the tire, right on the edge of the tread as it curls around to the sidewall.  “Can’t be fixed,” said the nice man. 

“The tire is almost brand new,” I said.  “You can’t put a plug in it?”

“Won’t hold on the corner of the tread”

“It’s a $69 tire.  Can’t you put an inner tube in it?”

“The rough cut will wear a hole in the inner tube, and you’re right back where you started. You gotta get a new tire.”

Well, I got the new tire, but I cannot believe that some enterprising person has not developed a patch to save a perfectly good $69 tire.  I’ve been thinking…

Duct tape.  This is the first thing a man thinks of.  You could fill the cut with chewing gum and then wrap duct tape round and round the tire for two inches on either side of the defect.  Thus trapped, the air would leak out very very slowly, if at all.  This duct tape bandage would look kinda weird, but it was my wife’s car, so almost anything would do.  Of course, the duct tape would wear through about every 500 miles, and you’d have to replace it, but…

Inboard air pump.  This solution relies not on fixing the tire, but on constantly replacing the lost air.  You could have a little air pump under the hood with a hose down to the tire’s intake valve.  As you drive, the pump would keep the tire at a constant 35 pounds per square inch. In this way, you could salvage a perfectly good tire.  What I haven’t figured out is how to keep the hose from snapping off the first time the tire goes around.  But I’m sure there’s a way.

Epoxy Glue.  Coat the cut inside and out with fast-setting epoxy glue.  Be sure to wait two hours for the glue to harden before you blow up the tire.  Otherwise, you’ll have fast-setting epoxy glue all over your nice clean white shirt. 

Limit your wife’s driving.  Back and forth to work should be all the driving a woman—any woman—needs.  By the time the tire goes flat, she’ll be home.  You would also have to teach the wife how to fill the tire with air from your home compressor. Were it me, I would try one of the other three solutions first. 
Carl D. Clarke, Jr. from Abingdon is a weekly columnist for the Washington County News.  He may be reached at