I MADE IT UP: The continuous campaign

By Carl D. Clarke, Jr.

If, like me, you are already tired of the campaign, you ain’t seen nothin’ yet.  Increasingly, candidates are being identified early and groomed by far-sighted party managers.  After all, the election of 2026—America’s 250th year—is just around the corner. 

I used my FastForward machine to find out what will happen, and I can reveal it to you now in this exclusive report to the Washington County News.

This year:  Kim Il Sung Rhee, a Korean-American grocer in Los Angeles, has been reading “The Lives of the Presidents” to his young son for 10 years now.  Kim Rhee, Jr. shows academic promise and is valedictorian of his senior class in high school.

George Walker Bush VI has been purposely named to recall his family legacy.  Name recognition, say his handlers, is half the battle.  At 17, he is quarterback of his high school football team in Texas, where high school football is more important than anything else, including the oil business.

2020:  Kim Rhee Jr. has already graduated from UCLA and is attending law school by day and working in his father’s grocery store at night.  So far, his record is squeaky clean.  George Bush VI, on the advice of the party, has been involved in several awkward sexual peccadilloes.  “You have to establish that you’re a man,” say his advisors.  “It’s good for the women’s vote.”

2022:  Kim Jr. springs to national attention when he foils a robbery at the grocery store, saving the life of a woman customer and her six-month-old baby.  The robbery, of course, was staged.  Kim appears humble in interviews, and begins a nation-wide speaking tour on law-and-order issues.  George VI, in a break with his family, marries Zipper Gore, granddaughter of Al and Tipper.  His advisers begin honing the “Two Destinies in One” campaign.

2024:  In the first head-to-head polling by the Roper Organization, George VI gets 39% to Kim Jr.’s 34%.  Meanwhile, out of nowhere comes the granddaughter of Geraldine Ferraro, a social worker in Boston and an outspoken advocate for the poor, who are still with us.  Her grassroots backers coin the “Realizing the Dream” slogan.  Polling shows that she is well known in New England, but nowhere else. 

2026:  On November 2, the country votes via the Internet, where electioneering is prohibited within 50 megabytes of the voting website.  George VI, Kim Jr. and Ms Ferraro get 3% each.  Ninety-one percent of the voters click “None of the above” or type in things like “Tired of the hype” or “Thought we already had a president.”
Carl D. Clarke, Jr. from Abingdon is a weekly columnist for the Washington County News.  He may be reached at