I MADE IT UP: Celebrities coming to Plumb Alley Day

By Carl D. Clarke, Jr.

I continue to be amazed at how, over 25 years, Plumb Alley Day has grown from a neighborhood yard sale into one of the major events in the Southeast.  With an estimated 10,000 people expected this Saturday, public figures know that the Day is an ideal venue to attend to advance their agendas and enhance their images. 

As chairperson of the event this year, I am getting calls from press agents and handlers to coordinate these visits.  Here is the latest update on the schedule.

Pope Benedict XXVI has extended his American tour to appear on the Alley at 9:00 a.m. The Vatican says that His Holiness wants to reach out to Catholics and to “rural Americans of all faiths with a special message of hope and inclusion.” The Pope will make a brief drive down the Alley in his bubble car before holding an audience for the faithful at Christ the King Catholic Church on East Main Street,

At 10:00 a.m., Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama will appear together to make a “major joint statement” from the stage at College and Main Streets. While I have no clue what the announcement will be, we have pressed every Kiwanian within 100 miles into service to control the crowd and photographers.

I had no more than hung up the phone with Hillary’s people than I got a call from John McCain.  He will be on Plumb Alley for the “major joint statement” and available to reporters who want his reaction afterward.  Of course, later, all three will be shaking hands and working the crowd. 

I have turned down a number of requests.  Janet Jackson offered to do a free concert, but I was wary that she would have another “costume malfunction” at this family-friendly event.  Paris Hilton called personally to explore an appearance, but I told her, tactfully but firmly, that the Plumb Alley Day crowd was just not her audience.
Here’s something that just came in.  I think The King will be on the Alley Saturday.  Elvis Aron Presley himself called and said he would like to go on stage and tell people where he has been for the last 30 years.  I said we would love to have him and he said, “Thank you, thank you very much,” the way he always did after an ovation, low and sonorous and kinda mushy. 

But his voice was older and more gravelly.  Shoot, I do a better Elvis impression than he does. 

Carl D. Clarke, Jr. from Abingdon is a weekly columnist for the Washington County News.  He may be reached at