Column: The struggle to be worthy

By DR. MARK ROSS/Columnist

He was a kind, stately man who carried a dark secret. One would never suspect it. He appeared at ease with himself and others. However, the secret would occasionally reveal itself in the place where for the sincere, few secrets can hide, the church. I would never have seen the secret except one Sunday I peeked.
When my children were small, after saying grace, one would occasionally accuse another of having peeked during the prayer. It never occurred to the accuser that he/she also had looked to have seen the offense. I know, because occasionally, I also looked.
That is how I saw the secret. Two plates pass in most church services, the offering plate and the communion plate. One is for giving and the other for taking. Or, to say it another way, one is for giving and the other for forgiving. I never watch the passing of either. I try and leave the giving between the giver and God. When communion weaves its way through the congregation I am usually praying. One Sunday I looked.
That is when I saw the secret, or saw that there was a secret. When communion came to this kind, stately man he allowed it to pass. Why?
A person’s faith usually rests in a quiet private place within that person. “Work out your own salvation with fear and trembling.” That is what Paul said. I like to respect that kind of work. Yet, the questions persisted, and not only with me. Others, who loved and respected this “pillar of the church,” wondered why he did not take communion.
Right or wrong, one day I invaded his space and asked, “Why?”
His answer was simple, “Because, I am not worthy.”
I knew the moment this kind, stately man said “worthy,” he was referring to something Paul wrote in 1 Corinthians 11. I tried the usual arguments on him, “None of us are worthy and we are all sinners.”
Yet, he was not moved, answering only, “You do not know.”
“Know what?” I asked myself. That was the secret.
I wonder if Paul ever regretted anything he wrote? I would never be critical of what ultimately became Holy Scripture, but I wonder if Paul ever had second thoughts?
I could think of a few candidates for review. Maybe he might take another look at the comment about baptism for the dead. Or possibly, Paul might reconsider his surgical advice for the Judaizers. What about 1 Corinthians 11?
Contrary to popular opinion, Paul did not curse anyone who was unworthy to take communion. He did say, “Examine yourselves.” However, his concern was not whether or not people took communion, but how they took communion. It was not the morals. It was the manners.
The Corinthian church was a mess. When they gathered for a meal, preceding communion the wealthy would eat first leaving nothing for the poor. Some would drink wine until they were plastered. Holy Communion became neither. Paul’s problem was not with sinners who felt unworthy but with the arrogant who did not care.
Paul had his own secrets. He held the coats of those who stoned Stephen. Peter had his baggage, three times denying the Christ he had confessed and saying, “Hell No” to seal the deal. In fact, the whole pack of heroes understood “unworthy.” They left Jesus in Gethsemane holding the bag. The church was built by the unworthy!
I would like to think that my kind, stately friend figured that out. I tried to help. I would like to believe he joined the ranks of the unworthy at the Lord’s Table. I cannot say for sure. I stopped looking having decided it was his secret.
Dr. Mark Ross is pastor of Marion Baptist Church.